Sunday, October 30, 2011

Control Does Not Equal Power!!!

Greetings and well wishes once again.
When I was younger I always tried to control the actions of others around me and let me point out to them how they could do things differently or how they did or are doing it wrong! I thought that by directing their actions I could get MY desired outcome thru them.  Of course that was without giving consideration to their personal rights.
Truth of the matter is I was not in control of my own life and emotions, thus I attempted to live thru others by attempting to control how they thought and what they could and couldn't do.  It wasn't until later in life that I realized how unhealthy this was and is.
Everyone has the right to think, feel, say and do as they choose,  You may lend kind advice and suggestions to them, but it is still their choice whether they want to use and utilize this advice / suggestion!  And if they choose not to listen to you it is not a personal attack or disrespect towards you, rather it is them exercising their right to choose for themselves the direction of their own life. (path)  Whether you agree or not.  And if they do choose to do differently than you advised...... you should not put them down, speak ill of them, rather you should move on with your own life's decisions.  Sometimes this is doubly hard if you are in a relationship and this is a boyfriend/girlfriend situation.  That is when you tend to think the other party doesn't love you because they are not doing as you want when in truth maybe you don't love them for who they are. Or they may be reacting to your choices.  Either way, if you are trying to change and control them there is a strong possibility you are not in control of your own life.  Therefore you may feel the need to direct and control the people around you so you can live thru them.
Here in prison I see this daily in the majority of the people I am surrounded by which has caused me to take a good hard look at the situation and learn from it.  If this is happening in your life I can only suggest you analyze the problems and attempt a rational solution without degrading or abusing any one's rights.  Sometimes you just have to let a loved one do as they are going to do without arguing over something that neither of you are going to come out the better from.
Hopefully this has helped .....   be well, be safe and have a nice day
           Till next time.......Clutch

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Back Into Communities with Messed up Attitudes...

This is actually an excerpt from the post, "My Way is Not Always the Right Way."

Many of the men in here (Maximum Security Prison) will ask and ask and ask relentlessly like a child until you give in and give them some sauce or something to eat.  It is easier to just give it to them so they go away instead of argue or fight over something that is yours.  Reason why? These guys will try to beat you up and take what you have if you don't give it to them.  Then if your honest and tell them they are acting like a child they get offended and claim you have disrespected them, try to fight you because they didn't get what they wanted. They demand respect but have no clue what respect is or how to give it to someone else. 
There are those in here that know the difference but the majority doesn't, and they aren't learning it which  means they will go back out into the communities with the same messed up attitudes. 
Makes me want to go live way out in the country, back to good non-processed food from the land. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

A Response to One of My Daughters.....

Life is a learning curve,
None of us get it right all the time.
We all can use some guidance from time to time.
Nothing to be embarrassed about.
Asking for help shows you want to grow, through through learning by asking
When you ask for help it doesn't make you look bad,
It actually makes you look strong
For realizing and understanding you need assistance in certain areas.
Hope this helps,
Dad loves you

photo from:

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Your and My Way is not Always the Right Way....

Greetings and welcome once again.  Here is a short story for you to ponder....
Yesterday the prison chow hall was serving toastado's.....prison food is not very tasty, in fact it is very using items purchased from commissary I made home-made sauce to liven up the food.  Basically its a little of this and a little of that in my sauce.
I 'm standing in line to the salad bar after getting my tray.  An individual standing next to me saw my sauce bottle and all of a sudden nothing else mattered to him.  The conversation went something like this.  "Clutch, what is that?  Homemade sauce? Let me get some?" 
I said, "You wont like it!" 
He said, "Yes I will, come on Clutch, just a little, man, put some on my food."  
So I said, "Okay but if you don't like it, it's on you!" 
"Okay, he says." 
So I squirt some on his food and go about my business.
After chow I am walking down the compound and this guy is standing with some of his buddies.  He yells out, "Hey, Clutch, you f___ked up my food!"  I looked at  him and said, "No, you f___ked up your own food - no one made you put the sauce on there. Besides you were not taking no for an answer. You just had to have some of that sauce-- so take responsibility for your own actions and don't blame me for your not liking the sauce."
He just stood there looking at me blankly.  He did not understand how this was his own fault.  (It is so much easier to blame someone else.)
Come to find out he didn't like mustard and there was mustard in my sauce, yet he didn't ask what the ingredients were, he just wanted something he didn't have.  So he found out his way is not always right.  My point here is:  Contemplate, think, rationalize and ask questions before you act because if you don't your stuck with the consequences that are your own fault, your own responsibility from your own actions.  You'll be much better off doing it that way.
Hope this help you and allows you a better way to be right more often than not.
Till next time, be well, be happy, and take a moment to think!  
Have a nice day....       Clutch

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

C O P D......No oxygen in prison

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease.....


Monday, October 17, 2011

ANTS!!! ANTS!!! Everywhere.....

I just went in my locker to get a snack.
I'm infested with ants.
They are inside my unopened food.
What do I do now?
This sucks!
Almost $200 in food in case of lockdown??????
I'm on second floor they climb the walls.
I havevbeen killing ants for 4 hours now, baiting them with tater chips.
I didn't lose all $200 but lost bout $60 dollars worth.
They were inside my peanuts that have never been opened????
I spent hours inspecting my food looking for ants.
I feel creepy crawly now.
I had cop / officer notify safety to come spray in the morning.
They, the ants that is, got 4 other cells too.
Mine was the worst because I had the most food,
imagine that.
I shop tuesday mornings between 8 and 9 am,
but wont put new food back in locker until they spray.
Will put any good food in the laundry bag and hang on wall.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Life Isnt so Hard Looking Out From the Other Side.....

Greetings and hello once again.
Today I would like to talk about life's problems....and looking at them from the other side.  As everything has two points of view...and also attaches different opinions depending on who your talking to.
If this is the first writing of mine that you are reading, let me tell you I am writing from a maximum security prison where I have no choice but to look at life from the other side. And to those who have read my other writings - thank you -
I will start this off by going back in time.  I was the classic person I write about.  I hated life, everything was everyone elses fault.  I was blameless.  Life was hard for me as I had nothing but problems and complaints as nothing worked out right.  I was miserable.  This was before deciding and learning to look and live life differently which I believe is the step toward change.  The second step is, you get what you put out there.  Read the posts on Karma), and changing your attitude.
Now I sit here in prison listening to all sorts of complaints and all sorts of blame from all sorts of personalities  But we aren't worried about the ones coming from in here at the present writing time.  I 'm worried about the ones coming from out there.   I understand life is hard at times.  How hard depends on you!  And what your doing about your4 current situations.  Ask for help if you need it!  Communities are called that for a reason.  Comune = together -  Friends are called friends cause friends help one another.  Yep work sucks, yup gas prices suck, taxes suck as many other things in life do.  If you focus on all any of it, that's what it is.  Sucks!  I believe you need to focus on the more positive so life can change toward exactly that.  I hear the problems from out there.  I hear about how jobs suck, hey whoa......I am told when to sleep, when to eat, when to doo doo, who I can and cannot talk to, what is allowable reading, and what is not allowable reading.  I would gladly give up all this in here and the bad attitudes of 1,600 of societies worst for a sucky job or too many bills.
See we tend to think the worst first.  We need to learn to find the good or positive in each situation and focus on that.  So looking at your problems out there from in here......"the other side," humm they don't seem so bad to me.  If I can make it in this predominately negative controlling environment, I have faith you all out there can make it through your problems by changing your attitude toward what your focusing on.
What you give most attention to becomes predominate in your life!  It's your choice, positive or negative, unless you like misery.  NO I DON'T and it doesnt make for good company.
Till next time, be well, be happy, and find the positive in life.      Clutch

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Peaceful Journey...

Greetings and salutations from inside. 
Isn't it a huge waste of time and energy to worry about someone else's negativity?  That's the same as judging them.  Telling them they are doing this or that wrong.  Heck maybe it's right for them.  Just offer kindness and understand they have the right to do and say and feel however they want.  Rather, encourage even if you do not agree.  Maybe encouragement is all someone else needs to meet their destination in life's journey.  This is the definition of a kind deed. Why?  Because you are showing respect for others rights, even if you disagree with their perspective.  You would want someone to do good for you therefore give as would wish to receive.  It will come back full circle!
I have learned to respect and help even those I dislike or don't understand or even fear, with an understanding that it's their life journey and you have yours so to co-mingle and co-exist peacefully and also have kind deeds and respect returned, you must give it first.  If some one rejects it so what, move on in Positive harmony.
Hope this has helped you.
Til' next time be well, be positive, and be open minded.            Clutch

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Observing 101

Even though I do not care for all the negative people in here I am forced to be around them.  So in an attempt to try to cope and understand I have had to do some serious observing.  As I have said I believe in Karma because I have witnessed it in action.  For a long time I went around saying I don't like the negative inmates.  I don't want them in my community, (prison term for clicks) I thought eff them, I don't want those that wont help themselves.  I also noticed I was being treated negatively and I couldn't figure that out.  Here I was trying to be a better human being and staying out of all trouble areas yet not much was changing for me.  I couldn't even get much help from my family on the outside.  Why?  Then it dawned on me.  Same as the early morning sun rising from the darkness. It was KARMA at its finest!!   I was getting what I was giving. to change this huh?
                                              A T T I T U D E!!
The saying goes, change your attitude and change your circumstances.  So I tried it.  I started to view those in here I disliked differently.  Who am I to judge lest I be judged.  It's their life journey.  All I can do is offer positive input to negative situations and hopefully help them on their path from negative to positive.  Or as some say "from the shit-pit to the clear waters."
It does not hurt you or I to be nice to those we dislike.  Actually it is a powerful Karma that you will get back what you put out.  And life circumstances will start to change for you.
                                   Make a decision and the Universe will honor it

photo compliments of

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Inside - a Day - Inside

Greetings and welcome to yet another Clutch observation..... As the title suggests, this view is coming from inside a maximum security prison!
In order to survive inside these walls I've been forced to study people, their mannerisms, habits and traits.  So I know how to deal within each individual or group safely.  Prison does not allow open rehabilitation. Inmates will attack you if they think you are doing the right thing.
Out there you have consequences and situations daily, but not on the same plain as inside..
In here it is a much different situation.  I am surrounded by society's worst!!  Most of whom were never taught any kind of manners, moral, consideration, respect, self-confidence, problem solving abilities and they severely lack communication skills.  They are angry at the world and blame everyone and everything else for their problems and situations because they do not know how to take responsibility.  Due to this said mental state these inmates try to control others around them.
Since they do not have any of the above skills when confronted they do not understand what the next step is so they get angry and then they try to handle the situation with brute force.  (Fighting and threatening physical harm) It's all they know.  That said, one who wants no trouble must walk around on egg shells constantly so as not to offend any of the angry people locked up inside!  They are looking for any reason to confront you and try to prove they are better and stronger than you. I guess so that they feel they are somebody!!
There are many types of personalities I am surrounded by. Most of them aren't any good as sad as that is to say.  This is a very stressful situation.  They say stress causes the body to age and I can attest to that.  Its rough to walk around here wondering if some mental inmate will wig-out (freak out) on you if they perceive you glanced at them wrong.
Back to the different kinds of personalities a person in prison is surrounded by......
Some inmates roan from one person to another talking, questioning, looking for any type of soap opera information they can twist around and create conflict so to watch it unfold.  They get a kick out of it.  You have stalkers of female guards.  There are habitual liars, thieves, rapists, murderers, child molesters, and women beaters and much much more all with different mental issues and views on each situation.  Some of their lives are so out of control they try to control the television and every show that comes on.  All because they do not know how or wont take responsibility and start to rebuild their lives. 
On the flip side of this, there are those who do change and rehab themselves yet cannot openly do this due to the fact the "life hating" inmates around them wont allow it.  That being said:  For those of us who truly want to change as I who has been clean and sober, no trouble at all, for ten years, we have to be like camelions while walking amongst the haters of life. 
Those men talk only about more crimes they will commit.  They talk about getting even.  I could write a book about what I have seen and heard. I guess I am in a way.
But let me add that there are some good changed people in here, and some innocent ones also. 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

More on KARMA...

Greetings once again.  Today I would like to offer one more example of KARMA that dealt with me personally.  In the beginning of yesterday's post I  I said sometimes karma acgts fast and sometimes it doesnt.  I am here for robbing a bank while being wasted.  The effects of my actions on others didn't matter at the times as I was numb to any proper thinking action.  I frightened the people at the bank very badly and took things that didn't belong to me.  Karma was to repay me in time with a lesson attached to that repayment.

As I said, I consciously decided to live my life differently on the good side.  It is what I have been try to do for a long time.
Last year an attempted rape happened while  a female guard was being attacked.  I ran to her and stopped it because it was the right thing to do......A few inmates shook my hand while others decided I should be punished for helping staff (cops).  They hate life and do not know how to take responsibility for their actions. They blame the staff for their present living arrangement. See its everyone else's fault.  And in their minds I needed to be punished too as I appears to now be a part of the establishment because I helped their captors when its truly their own mind and attitude that keeps them captive.

They come into my cell, pulled a home-made knife on me and robbed me of most all my art supplies and food.  Was I scared?  Oh yes, I was scared.  Over the next few days I had to watch them sell my art supplies, eat my food and yes I was angry.  No I was allot angry at first.  Now remember, I'm an ex-bad boy.....I could have put a master combination lock on a belt and started whooping them one at a time as I caught them!  But that would have cured nothing as in my writing regarding the "Power We Give Words (and actions)."

Reality aside from anger is:   I would have gone to the hole, lost good time and contact with family.  And then it dawned on me that karma and the universe only showed me exactly what I did to those people at the bank.  It allowed me to experience empathy for those affected by my actions.  Now that I understood, it was pointless to beat these people here down.  They are pieces of shit, they know it but wont  admit it. I know it.  But its their problem, not mine unless I make it my problem and that would be a waste of talk, time, and energy.  Because karma gave to me what I put out in the first place.  I learned how my actions affect others by experiencing it.  Now I can move forward in life.  But if I had allowed the anger to affect my judgment and perception and move me in the wrong direction I would have lost much because I was living and doing in the negative.  No, I did the right thing by helping that girl from being raped and I know someday when I need help, karma will put those around me to help me. 

Hopefully this example will help you and yours to see that our actions do have consequences. How we decide to live life allows karma to dictate how we are treated in this life. 

My best wishes to all of you!!   Stay tuned for more, and comments welcomed.
Tell next time, Be Happy, Be Well, Be Safe and Be Positive.

Artwork is done by me....      Sincerely, Clutch

Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Universal Bank = KARMA.... The sum of a person's actions

Welcome once again and greetings to you and yours.  Today I want to talk about karma, as I had a chance a few years ago to witness it in action. This is just one more reminder that what you put out there comes back to you.
KARMA-The sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.

For those of you who have read my other writings, you know there was a time I didn't care much about my own life. That being said, I did some not so good things, mostly because I was wasted out of my mind.  I would have never done those things sober.  Nevertheless my point here is KARMA.  When I decided to live differently and not be angry anymore it still took awhile for things to change and begin to go right for me. I had put so many negatives out there KARMA was giving them all back "at" me.  For a number of years now I have been putting good out there and helping others - at least trying to - so now some better things are starting ot happen.  A book I suggest reading more than once for anyone, especially anyone having problems is called, The Secret, by Rhoda Byrne.  Its very helpful. Okay onto my insight.

I live on the top tier of a maximum security prison building.  There are two tiers upper and lower.  I can sit in my doorway and watch a bank of televisions that hang from the ceiling, and I can look down over the deck.  As I have written before, you can learn allot by just watching and listening to others.  There are sixty four cells on this deck, thirty two up and thirty two down.  Each hold two people. There are seven tables that seat four people each and six televisions.  Not much for inmates to do.  So most try to get into other people's business.  Its like one big soap opera only they call it politicking in here.  Merely means most inmates lives are outta of control of which they cant admit. (to being a piece of crap) and rebuilding their lives and trust so they try to control others in here to make themselves feel like they are someone.  The government has taken their freedom, they have burnt their bridges in the world, therefore this becomes their world.  As I said before, its one big soap opera of drama, mostly evil.
Now I am sitting in my doorway..... I hear a guy say to another guy of the same race, "Hey, did ya hear what happened to so and so yesterday?"  The second guy says, "So eff__ing what. If it don't have to do with me personally I don't eff-in care. Leave me out of it." The first guy gets an attitude about his because he is doing life and this is his world. The second fellow is going home in a year.
So....the fellow with the attitude is offended and starts rumors and tells another race bad things about the fellow that offended him with his cocky attitude answer, which let me add this person sports an unusually bad attitude, angry at the world, but also thinks he is better than everyone else. 
Shortly after the incident of words and attitudes, two guys (inmates) go into his cell and stab him with a sharpened toothbrush twenty times and start to steel his belongings. He comes out of his cell all bloody and yells, "Aren't any of my people going to help me? They are steeling my stuff."  I heard a guy say to him, "If it don't involve us personally, leave us out of it, we eff-in don't care."
Wow, that guy said the same thing twenty minutes earlier!
Point being: When your mean and have a bad attitude and put that out into the air (Universe) KARMA knows it and gives it back.  Sometimes sooner than later.
As I mentioned before, KINDNESS doesn't hurt.  I am polite and courteous to those whom I disagree with - they can live their lives however they chose because I want to be treated in like manner which brings us to the point of the above story.  All this guy had to do was be polite to the first guy and lend an ear for three minutes and then politely bow out. Wouldst have hurt him to donate three minutes of his time even if it were something that didn't interest him. And then all would be well. He would have lent or given courtesy and it would of been returned.  But because he has a chip on his shoulder and exhibited an attitude of being better than others, hatred is put out. Therefore this is what KARMA gave back to him.
Hopefully you all can see my point.
Even if you are in a bad mood or not interested is what someone else has to say or their feelings, it doesn't ever hurt to be kind and courteous. Seriously? Will giving a few moments of your time to others hurt you that much?  No, and how powerful it comes in return. Positive KARMA, when you need it, will be there for you. Kind of like the movie, "Pay it Forward."  Karma is your Universal Bank.

Drawing was done by me several years ago and seems to fit with today's subject