My Texas Friend Talks Baseball with Her Son.....

 Kids don't learn from being continually told what to do. They don't find their own path by someone else (parents included) imposing their beliefs on them 24/7.  I lived with someone who had to have it their way always, (controlling) while I was growing up.
Children learn by being asked questions and being shown the consequences of their decisions and actions.  Sometimes they have negative results, sometimes positive. What and which do you think will stay with them depends on the way each is presented.
My Texas friend and I were conversing by phone one day. She was telling me about her children who are very into baseball and play every season.  She told me of an incident when after a game her and her son got into the car and her son said to her, "Mom, what did I do wrong in the game?"  I would rather his self confidence would have told him what he did right and therefore he wouldn't have been so immediately worried about what he did wrong. But then that is how society works these children.  It should be viewed more as a game where we all make mistakes we can learn from! OK back to the boys question to his Mother, "How did I do?"  My friend and I discussed an alternative answer for her to use.  I suggested when the boy asks questions for her to ask him questions vs giving him the answers.  By giving him the answers she is not allowing the child to grow and learn to make personal decisions on his own as he is relying on Mom's answer.  And by Mom telling him what he did wrong, that takes all the responsibility off him for his actions or inaction's. 
Ask him what does he think he did right or wrong.  Get him to analyse his actions for the better or the worse. That gives him control to decide and to learn from and make adjustments which will build his confidence.  It doesn't matter if he thinks he did good or bad. What matters is he is analysing and discussing his own actions from his perspective which builds his confidence and teaches him how to navigate problems, verses Mom and Dad or whoever giving the answer of how it should or shouldn't be done which turns out to be  "the easy way out" for the boy who later in life cannot solve problems and may become angry because he has no self confidence.  I am certainly not saying he will be this way. This is only an example. I am also not saying this is the answer for everyone, but it could be a useful tool to help.  Thank you for your time and for reading my thoughts.
Be safe. Be well. Be Happy, and ccommunicate!    Clutch out til' next time
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